Slipping, Holding On
by Michy Drarry Shipper
Summary: "He'd tell me if he was slipping. I know he would."/"If you say so." Modern Muggle Gang!AU. Wolfstar, background Jily.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own Harry Potter.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **mentions of drug use and suicidal thoughts, swearing, character deaths, dialogue heavy

**Dedication:** Written for the wonderful Megan, aka InLoveWithLaughing, as part of the _Fic Exchange of Epic Proportions. _I hope you like this, lovely!

**A/N: **My first proper Muggle!AU and I am so excited!

* * *

"People like him, Sirius… They can't be trusted."

"Remus isn't like that! He's clean now."

"How can you be so sure? Addicts are very good at hiding the signs."

"He'd tell me if he was slipping. I know he would."

"If you say so."

* * *

Remus slipped quietly into the house, not bothering to turn on the lights as he kicked off his shoes and headed to the bathroom. Sirius stared at the ceiling in the dark, lying on top of the sheets as he listened to Remus clacking around, the sounds of water splashing in the sink, and the bathroom cabinet opening and closing, sounding loud in comparison to the quiet hum of the house that had filled his ears before Remus had returned. Soon, Remus came in, avoiding Sirius' gaze as he undressed.

"Get off," he muttered tiredly, as he pulled at the sheets, trying in vain to dislodge them from under Sirius, who was lying in the middle of the bed.

"Where've you been?" Sirius asked, not moving an inch.

Remus sighed and climbed under the sheets with difficulty, pushing Sirius over to the left with his knees.

"I told you. Dumbledore had work for me."

"Mm. And what did this work involve, exactly?"

"You know I'm not allowed to say."

"And how much longer are you going to be doing these top secret little assignments?"

"As long as I need to."

Sirius said nothing for a long while. Then he climbed under the covers and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's torso. "Well, I hope not much longer. I miss you."

Remus hugged him back. "I miss you, too."

* * *

"You know he's been seeing his brother again."

"What?"

"I heard him talking to someone on the phone in the car park last week, after the squadron meeting. Then I gave him a ride, and he asked me to drop him off in the dodgy part of town. As I was turning the corner to leave, I saw him in the mirror. He was with Regulus."

"You must be mistaken. He doesn't want anything to do with Regulus."

"I know that's what he says."

"But you don't believe him?"

"I don't know what to believe, Remus. But I know what I saw."

* * *

"Dumbledore wants us to testify in court."

"Shit, James."

"I know."

"Both you and Lily?"

"Yeah. He says our testimony could be the deciding factor in convicting You Know Who. What we saw that night… It's important to the case."

Sirius chewed his nails, lost in thought. "He'll have His people watching."

"Dumbledore says he'll get us in a witness protection program."

"Are you going to do it?"

James moved to sit next to Sirius on the couch. "Do you think we should?"

Sirius crossed his arms behind his head and tipped his face back to look up at the ceiling. He blew out a long breath. "It's huge. If you could put those scum buckets away… That's everything we've been working for."

James tilted his head. "But?"

"You'll have to move. Get new identities. That's a big sacrifice."

"We could make this city safer for everyone, though. It's worth it."

"Will you… Will I get to see you still?"

James sighed. "I don't know, Sirius."

Sirius leant over and enveloped James in a hug. "Whatever happens, I'll always be here for you. All three of you."

"Thank you," James whispered.

* * *

Sirius paced back and forth in the kitchen. The stir fry he'd made two hours ago sat untouched on the stove. _One text_. He thought angrily. _One fucking text to tell me he'll be back late_.

Peter's words from a few weeks ago rang in his ears. _How can you be so sure?_

Sirius ran into their bedroom. He turned on the light, tipped out Remus' drawers and riffled through the clothes. Ripped the sheets off the bed. Ran his hands over and under the mattress. Threw open the closet. Shook the shoes upside down. Emptied the bathroom cupboard. Smelt each tube and bottle. Pulled out every box in the kitchen pantry. Overturned each couch cushion. _Nothing_. Sirius felt guilt curl through his fingers and toes. How could he have doubted Remus?

He went back to the bedroom and began folding and putting the clothes back in the drawers. Hopefully he'd be able to get the whole apartment back in order before Remus returned. The only thing that pissed Remus off more than a messy home was people touching his chocolate. The flash of amusement Sirius felt at the thought was quashed by a sudden wave of unease. He crawled over to the closet. Sitting in the corner was the large, shiny gift bag he'd given Remus for Christmas. He tipped the box of chocolate out. Hands unsteady, he pried open the cardboard lid. Nausea swelled violently in the pit of his stomach. A packet of white powder sat where the chocolates had been.

* * *

The light was on in the bedroom. Remus frowned at the cushions on the living room floor, then hurried down the hall. The bedroom was totally trashed. On the edge of the bed, amidst the chaos, Sirius sat with his arms folded, face stony. A small plastic bag lay in his lap. Remus' stomach flipped.

"No, Sirius. You don't understa-"

"Where have you been?" Sirius cut in.

"I-I… What the hell have you done to the place?"

Sirius threw the bag at Remus, hitting him in the face.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why didn't you tell me you'd relapsed?"

"You don't know what –"

"I don't know what it's like? For fuck's sake, Remus! I've been looking after you since we were thirteen! You don't have to lie to me!"

Remus gritted his teeth, fists clenched. "I'm not a fucking baby. You don't have to _look after me_. And I don't need you're freaking help because I'm not using!"

"THEN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Sirius yelled, jumping off the bed.

Remus bit his lip. "It's not what you think."

"Then explain it to me."

"I… I can't."

Sirius shook his head and laughed hollowly. "Right. Of course. You've been doing _work_ for Dumbledore. The D.A.'s got you visiting a drug den every other night for _research_. I suppose those wounds on your arms have something to do with your little missions, too? They couldn't _possibly_ be needle marks, could they? Oh, no, silly, stupid, Sirius. Don't ask questions. Just trust the addict, no matter how fucking ridiculous his excuses are."

"Shut up," Remus hissed, eyes glowing.

"You know the dealers work for Him, don't you? You're funding the very fucking gang we're risking our lives trying to take down."

Remus slammed his hand against the door. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Sirius' eyes widened. "Or what?"

"Oh, I don't know," Remus spat. "Maybe I'll just get my good old gang buddies to shut you up permanently!"

"I could arrest you right now for possession," Sirius whispered.

"Go right ahead." Remus glared.

Sirius held Remus' gaze a moment longer, then pushed past him. The sound of jangling keys came from the kitchen. The front door slammed.

* * *

"Dumbledore thinks someone on the force is working for Him."

"Why?"

"The Death Eaters knew we were coming. They cleared out of their hideout well before we got there."

"Oh."

"Some of the gang members we would have caught could have gotten the death penalty. They were the worst of the worst."

"Do you have any idea where they've gone now?"

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"Remus, are you okay?"

"I'm just… Sirius and I had a fight."

"Oh. Can I ask what about?"

"It's kind of personal."

"It wasn't about the gang, was it?"

"Sort of. Why?"

"Remus, I don't want to cast aspersions on Sirius, but…"

"What?"

"Remember what I said about him meeting with Regulus? Well, the hide out we raided was where Regulus had been holing up. I think Sirius had more reason than anyone to stop us finding them."

"You think he told them you were coming?"

"I don't have proof, of course. That's why I didn't bring it up with James. But if you hear anything, see anything suspicious, tell me, won't you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

* * *

Sirius pressed a kiss to his godson's forehead. He looked into Lily's misting eyes and gave her a reassuring smile. "You did the right thing."

She sniffed. "I know. Harry'll be safer where we're going, anyway."

She handed Harry to James, then gave Sirius a hug.

"Promise me something?" she whispered, arms still around his neck.

"What?"

"Make up with Remus. You two need each other."

Sirius shoved those emotions away. He couldn't think about that now.

Lily pulled away and took Harry again. James embraced Sirius.

"Goodbye," Sirius choked.

"Not goodbye," James insisted, furiously wiping his eyes as he continued to hug Sirius. "See you soon."

Sirius bit his lip and nodded, not trusting himself to say anything else. It wasn't certain that they would see each other again at all. Dumbledore had said that once more of the gang had been caught, it might be safe enough for Sirius to see them, but that could take months, years, even. They'd wanted him to be their intermediary between their old and new selves, but Sirius had refused. Everyone knew they were best friends, and he was sure he was getting watched; it would be too suspicious if he started getting interstate calls. So Peter was handling it.

The Potters climbed into the police car and Sirius stood on the curb waving until they disappeared.

* * *

_News Daily_

Nov, 2nd 2013

**Gang Leader Voldemort Dead**

Infamous leader of the neo-Nazi gang known as the Death Eaters, Tom 'Voldemort' Riddle, has been found dead in a Springville home. The bodies of Lily and James Potter, have also been discovered. It is alleged that Riddle, 54, forced entry into the home late Thursday night and shot both of the Potters, before the gun backfired, killing him. The 21 year old couple's 27 month old son, who was on the premise at the time, was uninjured. Police are investigating how Riddle located the couple, who were in a witness protection program after testifying against the gang leader late last year. It is also being investigated whether the deaths are connected to yesterday's shooting. (see p.3)

**Rogue Cop Shoots Fellow Officer, 13 Hospitalised**

Sirius Black, of the NYPD, has been taken into custody after yesterday's shooting. The 21 year old was allegedly chased down by Peter Pettigrew, fellow officer and friend of the recently murdered Potters, before Black shot him in the chest. Pettigrew, 21, was taken to hospital and is now in a critical but stable condition. It is also alleged that bullets shot by Black hit a gas tank, causing the explosion that destroyed much of the street where the incident took place. Twelve bystanders were injured in the explosion. One witness, who has asked to remain anonymous, said, "Black was wild. Pettigrew was calling after him, pleading with him to explain why he had betrayed his friends to the Death Eaters. Black just laughed at him and shot all over the place, hitting Pettigrew and that gas tank." Black has known familial connections to the neo-Nazi gang and was allegedly spotted recently conversing with high-profile members. It is being investigated whether Black was also involved with the Springville deaths which took place on Thursday night.

* * *

Nothing made sense. James and Lily were dead. Peter was too, after being in a coma for three months. Harry was in foster care. Of course he couldn't be entrusted to a _druggie_ like Remus. Sirius. Sirius, who had helped him fight his addiction. Sirius, who had loved him and whom he had loved, whom he _still_ loved. Sirius, who had betrayed them all. Sirius was sentenced to life imprisonment in a maximum security prison.

Remus was empty. He walked along the steel truss, heel to toe, heel to toe, feeling as light as a plastic bag blowing through the wind. His grip on the railing was weak. He was a speck on the bridge. He could release his fingers one by one and be swept off in an instant. He would slip and fall and like a pebble into the river. Dissolve in the water and wash away. Four fingers. Three. Two. The last finger stuck and he stared at it. He waited, frozen to the spot. He was hanging on by a thread, but he wouldn't let go. He would never let go. Nothing made sense now. But maybe it would one day.

* * *

**A/N:** If you likey and you know it, leave a review :)


End file.
